I wrote this blog about a month ago thinking I would post it within 48 hours.

Suffice to say… I did not.  I apologize in advance for the old news… but it’s still very relevant seeing as it is THROWBACK THURSDAY!

THUS, if you’ve read this far… you might as well read on my faithful friend!

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So, last night I was the victim of a racist Facebook comment.

…I think.

Let’s give a little context, shall we?

The Story.

If you don’t have a pulse, you may not know that, in America, it is ELECTION SEASON! WOOOO!! Presidents and senators and government…OH MY!

With the exception of this election… Presidential election season is my favorite time of the decade! I love the politics. I love drama. I love the empty promises! I love the cut throat debates! I love love LOVE election season! Now, only the absolute coolest of the cool millennial watch all the debates. So, I must be in the top 10 of the hippest individuals on the planet because I, not only use the word “hippest,” but I also fact check AND

I watch potential Vice Presidents debate their faces off.

Last night I watched potential VEEPs Mike Pence and Tim Kaine go head to head against each other and Elaine Quijano’s impeccable eyebrows.  This VP debate was a doozy! As with any other VP debate, I wanted to hit the snooze button a few times because Kaine was acting like a rabid dog and Pence was prepping for his 2020 campaign.  BUT one take away I did receive from this fair debate was:

The folks in charge have all the answers where they don’t have a clue…isn’t it ironic?
*cue Alanis Morrisette*

The Jists.

In case you forgot: I’m Black.  And in case you don’t know what’s up… Black people are having a heck of a time in America these days. *blinks* So, of course, my ears are always attuned when Black issues come up and Black issues come up in any and all political events.

Always.

And such was the case in this debate.  I won’t go into the all the details because honestly just bringing my thoughts back to that snorable night of VP deplorables brings me nightmares that bore me to death.

Ugh.

So here’s the jist of what happened on the Black people part of the debate. (I promise, I’ll get to the racist part soon enough.)::

Moderator Quijano (whose eyebrows were the FLEEKEST) :  With law enforcement and race relations, do you think we’re asking cops to do too much?

Old man Kaine: Yes we are. I like guns.  But guns can be bad.  Cops have a lot on their plate. Vote for Hillary.

Old man Pence: I REALLY DONT WANNA AGREE WITH YOU SO..yeeeeeeeeees.  But also, there’s no such thing as implicit bias towards Blacks. Don’t vote for Hillary.

Kaine: uhhhh yea? There’s definitely implicit racism! Vote for Hillary

Pence: uhhh no? There’s totes not.  and Totes don’t vote for Hillary.

K: uMMMM…yes and Hillary is awesome.

P: ummmm NO? And Hillary is the worst.

K: ERRRRRR….YEAH? Vote for Hillz!

Quijano :  Stop talking over each other old men.

Quijano Browz: We are ON fleek.

Cue 90 more minutes of THAT. 

Then, rightfully so, at some point Terrorism came up.  In case you lost your pulse again… terrorism is also very much a thing and will also ALWAYS come up in political event times.

All. Ways.

So here’s the jist of what happened on the terrorism part of the debate. ((I promise… I’m leading up to the racist part! We’re almost there.):

Eyebrows Quijano: So, Trump wants to hardcore vet immigrants that come from terrorist friendly countries, but what does that have to do with the terrorism that has been done by homegrown US citizens?

P: Good question, but the only way to stop terrorism is by keeping the HATERS out. So, we’re completely getting rid of the Syrian refugee thing because well… BILL OF RIGHTS! and also AMURICAH.

K: You are dumb. You are really dumb. You are really dumb fo’ real. I’m with her.

Quijo-Browz:  You didn’t answer my question, Pence.

P: Bro, we gotta put America first.

K:  Didn’t your plan to keep all Syrians out because they could be terrorists get shut down by your homies, doe?  Hillary created post its, by the way.  Vote for her.

P: THAT IS COMPLETELY TRUE, YES. But only because there isn’t any evidence linking the two…YET. DO NOT VOTE FOR HILLARY! DO NOT PASS GO!  DO NOT COME INTO AMERICA!

DJ Q-Browz:  I hate you both.

This jist of VP debates may or may not have overly dramatized  for Monzi purposes.  
To read the actual transcripts for yourself…click hurr.
#educateyourminds.

Well after hearing all of that bologna… I was a little perplexed.  I know these guys represent a good chunk of my America. And here you have very established politicians in one breath saying a people group needs to stay out of our country because one person could be a terrorist, but then in the next breath saying that implicit racism isn’t a reality in America….?!

Okay, here’s the part you’ve been waiting for.

So after my disappointed viewing of the VEEP Creeps, I took to the Book! The Facebook that is– to see what people had posted about the debate…because everyone watches the number 2’s debate all the time. *smh*

First, I saw this meme:

Then, I proceeded to LOL and post it to my Facebook.

BTW:: Initially I thought it said something different (more along the lines of what I said above) but when I really read it… I still decided to post it because it’s my Facebook: I DO WHAT I WANT.

Anyways…hours go by.

AND.

THIS.

COMMENT.

HAPPENED.

*DUN DUN DUUUUUN*

“You guys hate statistics don’t you”

I’m sorry…you guys?
But…uhhh?
no one else has commented on-
ummm…

WARNING: 
If you’re reading this and have not experienced a moment of racism you may have this question:  But wait… What did this person mean by that?

If you’re reading this and have experienced racism once or several times in your life… the flags go off and you will absolutely have this question:
Ummm…what did this person mean by THAT?
What do you mean: “YOU GUYS?”
Is this happening right now? etc.

While I do kid around that people are racist, I really try not to pull the race card often. I don’t know if this person was implying you guys as people who liked my status or Muslims, or people who like watermelon jolly ranchers or… for…

black people. *gasp*

But one has reason to speculate for the latter of those options.

Living in America, people of color, especially in the Black community, have a little racial radar scale odometer  (a “race-dar”, if you will) that we refer to from time to time because let’s get real here:  Racism is ingrained in our society…like whoa.  If I’m being followed in store by a clerk… I have to go to my “race-dar” and ask… “Do you think this person trying to be helpful, do I look sketchy or do they think I’m going to steal something because I’m Black?”

When a stranger is being rude to me for no apparent reason at all I have to ask “Did I genuinely do something to offend this person… are they having a bad day? OOOOOooor are they being mean cuz I’m black?”

If my pharmacist assumes I’m on Medicaid and tells me “we don’t take your insurance here” without even checking my insurance card ((Not that there is anything wrong with utilizing medical assistance)) I’m gonna have my race-dar go WAYY UP! ((This is a true story that happened to me a few weeks ago…and I literally picked up a prescription the week before.  And I am switching pharmacies.  And you’re welcome. ))

Things like this happen.  And because things like this happen, as much as you want to rid yourself of a race-dar… you sometimes…just can’t.

When I read that comment, my race-dar went THROUGH THE ROOF and even after careful assessment… I still had a feeling this comment was racially motivated.

And…I got mad.

I got really mad.

Making me want to respond in a hurtful and very shaming way.

But then I was faced with this very strange yet humbling dichotomy that I find myself in time and time again: Will the next action I take be pleasing to my self or pleasing to God.  Am I responding out of anger or out of love?

uuuughhhhh…MAAAAAN.

I’m not gonna lie to you.  In this particular moment of history it is HARD being a Christian and being Black.  On an almost daily basis you watch video after video of people dying senselessly, beaten ruthlessly and being treated recklessly; and almost every star of the film is black. Like me.

No one cares that this person is a son or a daughter or a father or mother or friend.  They see criminal.  They assume danger. And it looks like they punish by color.   So when I come into contact with moments like this… my blood boils.  Not just because it’s a matter of race relations, but to put it simply:  the treatment is not consistent!!  Treat people the same.  If you wanna be a jerk, at least be a jerk 100% of the time to 100% of human beings.  Don’t pick and choose!

All of these things make it extremely hard not to retaliate in a hateful way. But how do I respond being a Christian and being Black?

Identity crisis much?

After some careful and prayerful thinking… here’s what Holy Spirit enlightened me with: *ahem*

I was called to know God before I was created a Black human being.  Therefore, my Christianity must come first in whatever identity crisis I may or may not find myself in.  And what does being a Christian mean in this state of affairs?

Being a Christian doesn’t mean I give up my right to be angry.  But it does mean I think, pray and submit to Christ before I react.  Being a Christian doesn’t mean I just become passive and let things happen.  But it does mean I stand boldly, giving respect while speaking truth in love.  Being a Christian doesn’t mean I minimize things or pretend there isn’t a serious problem.   It means I recognize the brokenness of man and this world and become comfortable with making others uncomfortable about the realities sinfulness brings. Being a Christ follower means that I am constantly looking to lead and help others grow by spreading His truth and creating a new culture of transparency.  Truth, love and transparency are the precise ingredients for a catalyst of change in the culture we live in.

You see, God sees our state of emergency and Jesus was never one to shy away from the controversies of the day.  We  do need to stand up and point out the wrongs and injustices in our world.   We need to be open and transparent and it’s okay to be hurt or to become effected or even to get ANGRY!!

But it’s the HOW we go about these things and the response we execute as Christians that we have to be mindful of.  Will my actions be effective towards this cause or will it bring me attention?  Will I offend other people whilst trying to undo the offenses done to me and my people?  Will anyone actually take me seriously if I don’t stand for the national anthem? Will this Facebook status REALLY change people’s minds or am I just carelessly ranting?

These are questions I have to think about and weigh when I see a man sitting in his car dying because he was shot to for pulling out his gun permit to show police.   Or when when I witness a child being shot for playing with a bee bee gun in a park without a second thought or conversation.  Or when I watch a man being choked to death just for selling loose cigarettes on the corner.  And especially when I learn the blood boiling facts and recognize that this treatment of Blacks, Latinos, Asian, *insert race* (while not everyone is perfect) has been going on for decades and decades and still no one is brought to justice.

But the thing is… justice belongs to the Lord.  Its not my place to quite literally “Bring the Payne” when I feel like myself or my race is being mistreated.  So while I am tempted to stop being mindful of my actions when clearly no one else cares enough to be mindful of theirs… I have to stop, breathe and pray. I gotta die to myself because…well.  Because God.

Because God.

It sucks dying to yourself.  It sucks not responding to a racist comment with a kick to the shin or punch to the face.  It sucks biting your tongue and not cussing someone out because they’re intentionally ignorant.  It sucks not going down to someone else’s extremely shallow level just make ME feel better.

However, I know God created me to be the person He’s created me to be for a reason. And I know because Holy Spirit has given my everything for life and for godliness, I’m able to die to myself making the best choice instead of reacting with a poor decision. Although, in the moment dying to yourself sucks… being pleasing and obedient to the Lord is that much more rewarding and joyful in the aftermath.

God created each of us with a purpose in mind.  For me, God created me to be His.  God created me to be Black. God created me to impact the world. And God put this passion in my soul! Rather than separating my purposes and highlighting one of my identities depending on my mood, I need to take a step back and see beauty in the wholeness of who I am.

I’m a passionate Christian, Black woman in 2016.  Why?

Maybe it’s to show grace in times of maltreatment.  Maybe it’s to push forth truth in times of ignorance. Maybe it’s to lead in times of hopelessness. Maybe it’s simply to shut my mouth and listen when everyone has an opinion.  But one thing I know for sure, I am here to bring glory to Him. And in this moment of crazy when I want to bring the world down on someone who has brought the world down on me and others of color… my response should always be: how can I best honor God uniquely by whom He has created me to be?

That’s the REAL question, Billy Shakespeare!

I know this is such a HUGE subject and there’s so much more I want to say!! But I think I’ve bored you enough with my rants and shall save the rest for another day.

Until next time,

Oh wait… hold on. You’re probably wondering what I did about that racist comment, right? Well, I wanted to respond with something jerky and downright outlandish! But instead I just deleted him as a friend and watched the OJ Documentary on Hulu.  I don’t have time for that type of negativity in my life. And… OJ.

Listen…work in progress over here.  Don’t judge me!

Until next time,

I have been crucified with Christ;
and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;
and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
~Galatians 2:20

But love your enemies, do good to them,
and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.
Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High,
because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
~Luke 6:35